I had decided to leave my severely depressed husband. I would go away for a month to think. After having tried to help him for years and have the feeling of drowning, going down with him, I needed to take action. In that month I would be able to feel myself without having my feelings being muddled by his despair and blaming others for his demise.
I came back on October 1st, 2011 knowing for certain that if I were to live, I would have to abandon him. I tried to find the right time to talk to him about it – he wasn’t talking much in those days, spending most of the day on the couch with his back to the world – and a week later, I found the right time to tell him I had decided to leave him.
When I told my in-laws, they turned their backs on me instantly.
I armoured up, pulled myself together and found an apartment in the other end of the country and would have to start fresh, but I was ready to let go to reset my life. I planned to leave in November that year.
Only 10 days later, on the 17th of October, the police knocked on our door at midnight, apologizing for the inconvenience, telling me that my father had killed himself.
I thought it was a practical joke. I had broken off contact with him 6 years prior and it was not the first time I had tried to seperate myself from the narcissistic abuser. 10 years before before that, I had tried and he clawed his way into my life again, byt claiming he had cancer and was given a death sentence. All lies.
The police looked a little shocked by my harsh receival of the news and I explained my suspicion and they verified that he was in fact dead.
I crumbled right there and then. Years of longing for a loving father ended right there, but relief also set in and my body doubled over and I gave in to the overwhelming emotions of letting go of the father, the abuser, the fear, the tension, the possibilities and a part of me that was groomed to always be loyal to the man who broke me.
In what seemed like a snap of a finger, I had to let go of my marriage and my father, my home and my business. I started on the path to become a visible heart.
As a part of the work I have been doing for people who have experienced narcissistic abuse, I have created a free online course, so you can spot and avoid narcissists. Get it here: https://visiblehearts.teachable.com/p/how-to-spot-the-narcissist – you will be enrolled in my mailing list and get tools to break free from the craziness and become a visible heart.