Triangulation – a narcissistic weapon

Narcissists always find ways to ridicule, demean, or criticize you. Triangulation is one of their weapons to emotionally hurt you. They might tell you something someone else said about you that will hurt you. Often they will even lie about it and it is meant to only confuse you and make you insecure.
For example, my father once said to me that he had a conversation with my teacher and the teacher told him, I am not doing good at school. I was so confused because I had been putting in so much effort and loved everything at school. The school was like an oasis for me back then with a family full of chaos!

I confronted my teacher and asked him if he said something like that to my dad and he said no. It was clear that my father had been lying to me. This whole triangulation thing was meant to hurt me emotionally.
Narcissists often tell victims that someone said something about them that is hurtful for the victim. If you find yourself in such a situation, you can tell the narcissist that you will have a direct conversation with the person who said something about you. You can also just talk to the third party without telling the narcissist – because the narcissist might try to persuade you not to talk to them or immediately blame you for not trusting them.
You have to tell the narcissist that if a certain person said something about you especially something negative then you will sort the problem directly with them. It is between you and that person. This way you will tell take away this weapon from the narcissist. They will think twice if they are called out on their lies.

Do not believe what the narcissist says straight away. It could be one of their ways of destroying your mental peace. Talk the person who they quote, and don’t believe anything someone has said unless you hear the person say it themselves. Stay calm and don’t think bad about yourself instantly because it is a trap that the narcissists lay down for the victims.

Triangulation is a comment trait in dysfunctional families – so you can experience this, even though you don’t have a narcissist close to you. When it’s a family trait, it comes off more as gossip “I think it’s terrible that your sister says that you are cheating her for money” – and it might look like you are getting empathy – but beware – it is still triangulation when someone tells you something someone else said about you. Even though it might be true, hold on to the solution: “Talk directly to the person who is quoted as having said something”

Click on a book cover to get more tools to handle the narcissist in your life:

Narcissistic Men
10 Strategies to deal with toxic men

The narcissistic husband or father forces you to give up yourself, to make room for only him in your life. He will belittle you, ridicule you and scare you.


Narcissistic Women
10 Strategies to deal with toxic women

The narcissistic wife or mother manipulates you. Nothing is ever good enough for her. She will blame you for everything bad in her life.

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