Questions when divorced and co-parenting with a narcissist

Get the answer to all this in writing, when you’re meeting with your lawyer and your ex. The more detailed agreements you have, the less you have to talk to them and the less risk of arguments you have. You already know that narcissists are above laws and rules, so your best bet of a less dramatic co-parenting is to have everything in writing with your lawyer present.

  • Who pays for cell phones?
  • Who pays for cars?
  • Who pays for car insurance?
  • Who pays for deductible?
  • Who pays for class trips?
  • Who pays for school uniforms?
  • Who pays for co-pays on Medical Expenses?
  • Who pays for Yearbooks?
  • Who pays for allowed OTC Co-pays?
  • Who pays for dance lessons and costs associated with dance lessons?
  • Who pays for martial arts and costs associated with martial arts?
  • Who holds the childrenā€™s birthĀ certificates?
  • Both parents ā€” Life insurance with child as beneficiary.
  • Parents have clear and defined legal prepared will to protect children and assets.
  • Who holds the childrenā€™s passports? (Important)
  • Who pays for lunch money in school and class trips?
  • Who pays for school photos?
  • Who pays for WIFI?
  • Who pays for Electronic devices?
  • What time are Nightly phone visits when Child is at other parents home?
  • What happens when phone visits are ignored / not answered or not made?
  • Medications… at each parents house or brought back and forth?
  • Clothing at each parents house or brought back and forth?
  • Disposable diapers at each parents house.
  • If a parent introduces a pet to the child, the pet will stay at THAT parents house and THAT parent will assume all costs and responsibilities to that pet.
  • Who pays for Birthday Parties?
  • Who takes children to friends birthday parties and who pays for gifts?
  • Who pays for lost clothing, eyeglasses, retainers etc?
  • Who picks the child up when the school nurse calls?
  • Can anyone other than either parent pick up or drop off child from school, activities, anywhere else?
  • Is smoking allowed in the house around child?
  • Who gives and pays for childrenā€™s haircuts? Who decides on how hair gets cut?
  • Who pays for seasonal clothing?
  • Sports clothing and equipment?
  • What do you do when the other parent does not give their 50%. ?
  • Can children spend a week at their grandparents? Cousins? Etc?
  • Who chooses and picks out and pays for camp?
  • Who pays for orthodontist?
  • Who pays for the dentist?
  • Who buys shoe orthotics if necessary?
  • Address ALL medical care including Vaccines and any emergencies that may come up.
  • Who drives child to medical specialist if out of town?
  • If child is hospitalized, will the other parent be allowed to visit or stay with child even if itā€™s not their parenting time? (You don’t want them to use your sick child to get to you)
  • Who decides on diagnostic and surgical procedures if one parent does not agree?
  • What to do when one parent schedules important appointments while other parent has planned vacation?
  • Thereā€™s a hurricane coming, who picks up kids and where do they stay and who do they stay with?
  • There was a tornado and half the house is gone, where do the children stay?
  • No parent may drive with the child in the car if the parent consumed any alcohol, meds that may distort clarity orĀ  any drugs!!!Ā  If this happens the parent will lose privilege of timeshare and will have to have limited supervised visits in which offending parent pays for.
  • Who will claim children on taxes?
  • Any exposure to drugs, alcoholic or intoxicated people in other parents house?
  • ALL communication should be through a program – email – so you have a paper trail.
  • Who is allowed to babysit? Do you have first right and can you refuse if you don’t have time?
  • Motherā€™s Day, Fathers Day, motherā€™s Birthday, fathers Birthday, childrenā€™s birthdays, holidays.Ā  (Important to be VERY detailed)
  • How far is either parent allowed to relocate that will not require a new parenting plan?

Decide what happens if:

  • Child is sick with a bad cold and 103 fever for 2 days, and scheduled to go dads house in an hour. Do you wake him and drag him over to dads in which he will have to get a sitter so he can work tomorrow so that you are not in contempt of a court order or do you let him stay recovering in his cozy bed sleeping?

The narcissist will probably try to wiggle his/her way out of all these written agreements, but when you have everything in writing, it’s a lot easier to deal with.

Also narcissists often don’t care about children when they can no longer use them to gain power over you, so nif you want, put it in writing that the narcissistic parent can place the child with you with a 24 hour notice on the condition that the narcissist is clear on when he/she will pick up the child again. Also write down that this does NOT give them any more days with the child. They can’t “save up” days with the child.

If you can, have a third person do all pick up and delivery of the child at the narcissists house, so you don’t have to deal with them.

Having children with a narcissist is hard work and it never ends. Don’t let them get to you and don’t let the child suffer.

Be sure to have a good therapist on your side, who can support you and help you deal with it.

Click on a book cover to read more:

Narcissistic Men
10 Strategies to deal with toxic men

The narcissistic husband or father forces you to give up yourself, to make room for only him in your life. He will belittle you, ridicule you and scare you.


Narcissistic Women
10 Strategies to deal with toxic women

The narcissistic wife or mother manipulates you. Nothing is ever good enough for her. She will blame you for everything bad in her life.

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