One of my issues that I have looked at time and again is being special. My narcissistic father believed himself to be special on a level that set him apart from others.
I have feared this most of my life, because I got see that it not only made him lonely, but also made him treat others like they were inferior. No one deserves to be treated like that. Of course it was a projection from him – he felt inferior and couldn’t cope with it to an extend where he didn’t know it, but went into denial.
My biggest fear has been to be like my father. Abusing others, taking advantage of them, intimidating them, lying and hiding his true monster self from the outside world.
Part of the work for me has been to understand, feel and be in the knowledge that we are all larger than life. We are all – each and everyone of us, like a giant dipping his pinkie in water and the wet part is our existence here on the earthly plane.
I can in other words, never be as big as I really am. I am special. Not more than anybody else, but there is only one of me here and there never will be another me. I’m not even the me I was 1 year ago because my cells change. That’s really special.
And that’s ok.
I am brave, clever, fun, caring, loving and happy. And my path is my path. I don’t have to not be me, just because others have a different path. Their pain is not my pain. I have my own pain. Which partly is not feeling entitled to being that amazing being I am because others don’t feel amazing.
It’s such a funny experience to be here. The ghosts and stories we fight, that never is true, but still haunt us.
I am facing mine. Are you facing yours?