Firstly, you are not alone!
People who are living with narcissistic parents, spouses or dealing with co-workers often ask such questions to themselves because the narcissist makes them question their own behavior. A narcissist’s best weapon is their ability to make the victim believe that they are the ones at fault.
If there are problems in a relationship, remember it takes two to tango. In every relationship, regardless of the situation, the blame game played by whichever partner, both of them are involved to some extent.
If you know that you are being abused and are letting others overstep your boundaries, ridicule, or invade you then it is because you are not taking good enough care of you – which is your issue.
When a person is in a relationship with a narcissist, they cannot build a healthy self-image, healthy communication, or have a healthy argument.
But a person who is not a narcissist is ready to change things. They accept that they have issues. The most important thing that proves you are not the narcissist is that you are ready to change things and take responsibility.
A narcissist on the contrary will never want to change. They will say things like; “I am screaming because YOU make me scream!” “I am abusive because YOU make me do it!” They always hold the victim responsible for everything.
A narcissist can never accept that they are the ones at fault too. Similarly, the narcissist will never understand that they have a part in the conflict and they “choose” to do what they do.
Demeaning, abusing, and mistreating someone does not happen because the other started it. It simply happens because the narcissist uses it as an excuse to transfer the blame. So, if you are someone who wants to make things better by improving your behavior and understand that you are also equally responsible for a conflict that happened then you cannot be a narcissist because you try your best to keep the relationship healthy.
Of course, this is not possible with a narcissist. I am sorry to tell you this, but even if you were the healthiest person in the world, you still have an unhealthy partner and if they are not willing to change – because they think it is you who are making them misbehave – then you cannot make them.
Click on a book cover to get more tools to handle the narcissist in your life:
The narcissistic husband or father forces you to give up yourself, to make room for only him in your life. He will belittle you, ridicule you and scare you.
The narcissistic wife or mother manipulates you. Nothing is ever good enough for her. She will blame you for everything bad in her life.