“When a child is subjected to a narcissistic parent, the child doesn’t stop loving the parent
– it stops loving itself!”
The abuse has roots deep into the soul. We are fucked up in so many ways, it is hard to even know where to begin talking about it.
Children do what we do, not what we say, when they grow up, so the best thing you can do as a parent, is take responsibility and work on becoming an emotionally healthy and happy individual. Only you can make that choice.
Surviving isn’t enough. We should live, not just survive. And as adult children of narcissistic parents, we are groomed to fail because we are expected to be the best and signalled that we can never be enough. That affects us in business, relationships, but most importantly – in the relationship with ourselves.
We don’t know who we are, what we like, where our boundaries are, what we feel and think – because with a narcissistic parent there is no room for that – in that relationship, there is only room for one. You are not a person, you are an extension of the narcissist, a facilitator of whatever the narcissist needs, you are a prop in a play where there are no clear rules and no real connection.
It is lonely, it is cold and it is confusing and sad.
I am happy in my life now, I have learned to deal with the trauma and not let it rule my life. But I have hundreds of hours of therapy behind me – I have no savings, no real estate and no pensions, I spent it all on therapy and personal work. Because I INSIST on not just surviving, I INSIST on loving me and creating the life I want. Without that, what is life really but an empty shell filled with lies and toxic people…?!
I am persistent though and I have faith in getting what I need when I trust and do my best – now that I know what “trust” and “my best” is. 🙂
I urge you – do not think that just because you are nice, the crazy narc behaviour will not damage your child. When you stay, you accept the abuse and you teach your children that this is how love should be.
Click on a book cover to get more tools to handle the narcissist in your life:
The narcissistic husband or father forces you to give up yourself, to make room for only him in your life. He will belittle you, ridicule you and scare you.
The narcissistic wife or mother manipulates you. Nothing is ever good enough for her. She will blame you for everything bad in her life.